How Family History Can Toughen Up Your Kids

We’ve all heard the old fable of how Grandpa had to walk to school uphill, both ways, in a blizzard, and rolled our eyes. But while there may be only a kernel of truth in this story, hearing tales of family heroism or tragedy is beneficial to the next generation and may help them become stronger adults.

The Science Behind the Stories

Studies by psychologist Marshall P. Duke of Emory University suggest that those epic tales of heroism (even those that have been embellished for dramatic retelling) are actually important in creating strong kids with high self-esteem.

Duke says these family tales typically fall into seven basic categories: tragedy, rags to riches, overcoming the monster, the quest, voyage and return, comedy, and rebirth. Nearly everyone has stories that fit one of these groupings, whether your grandmother immigrated to this country to escape persecution or you have an uncle who was the class clown.

This oral history (told in bits and pieces over the years and not in lecture form) gives kids a solid foundation when it comes to dealing with adversity in their own lives. Dr. Duke and colleague Dr. Robyn Fivush studied groups of children and asked them 20 yes-or-no questions about what they knew about their families, before and after the events of September 11. The children who knew more about their personal pasts were better capable of dealing with the stress and trauma of such an event.

Feeling Like They’re Part of Something

The study suggests that children who know more about their own history feel more a part of a family and perhaps more secure in their environment. Knowing that there has been adversity, but that the family has always stuck together, creates what Duke calls an “oscillating family narrative,” which is very healthy. It shows children that they can power through a bad day at school or some bigger change that comes their way.

And Dr. Duke also stresses the importance of these stories being told orally at family gatherings (be it dinners, vacations or parties) in order to have their full impact. In fact, it may be coming from the type of family that shares stories like this that makes the real difference.

If you don’t know a lot about your personal past, it’s easy to use Ancestry to find old pictures and newspaper clippings, wills, and yearbooks to help flesh out your family narrative or add some images to go with the stories. And then pass them on. It may be one the most valuable gifts you ever give your children.

—Angel Cohn