Kris Williams: The Genealogy Grinch
Over the years, I find two enjoyable aspects to researching my family are meeting distant cousins who are also into genealogy, and getting the chance to trade our research. I have been surprised by how close genealogy can bring two people together who would otherwise just be considered strangers.
Research has brought many amazing people into my life who have become just as close as my immediate family; we’ve helped each other break through roadblocks and identified unknown faces in family photos, as well as shared letters, family stories, research and laughs. We found excitement in collaborating on all of our hard work and watching the joy we brought to each other through it.
Unfortunately though, like everything else in life, there are also people who like to ruin the fun for others. If you have been researching your family long enough, you have likely come into contact with a genealogy grinch or two. They always have an excuse to not share their information – even after you’ve sent all of yours. Sometimes they don’t bother with excuses; they just flat out refuse to share any of their photos, records, etc. This is by far my biggest pet peeve when it comes to genealogy.
While most were happy to answer questions and add their photos, records and stories – thrilled someone cared and wanted to be a part of it – others promised to send their information but never followed through. However, they took great pride in showing off their work at family reunions and get-togethers. I have also had some people say flat they didn’t have pictures of particular people, only to find out they did. I could never wrap my head around this need to keep everything for themselves. I mean, it’s not like I was expecting them to just hand over all of their original documents and photos when I only wanted copies.
There are so many ways to share information now that there really is no excuse. From making photocopies, scanning, burning a disk, emailing, to uploading your tree and photos for sharing on sites like Ancestry.com, the options are endless. So why be the grinch ruining it for everyone else?
If you are guilty of being a genealogy grinch, stop and remember why you got into genealogy in the first place. Chances are you wanted to get to know your family’s past, keep your lost loved ones alive and hoped to learn a bit about yourself along the way.
Now ask yourself: Why would you want to be a dead-end for someone else who is hoping to do the same?
By Kris Williams
Twitter: KrisWilliams81
Our ancestors deserve to be shared so they will live on for future generations.
I had a 2nd cousin who refused to share or discuss family history because she intended to work on it as her retirement project.
She died a couple of years ago, well short of retirement and her disinterested husband threw out all her notes.
So true! I have only had one of these so far, thankfully. But I have actually gotten in touch with 8 cousins in 2 years just through research! Love it!
Amen, I love to share any info I have and will even help others that are not related, it bring me great joy to help and share my family history. Thank you for your blog.
Sherry Haney
I have been so fortunate and blessed to have family members that are more than willing to share and collaborate on our history. Why people choose the route of withholding information for spite or whatever reason as opposed to sharing the joy of shared memories makes no sense.
I have had an overwhelming great experience sharing information with cousins, some even in Germany, and have filled in a lot of my family lineage. However, I have one cousin, that after some initial information, has refused to share any more. I have told him several times that I would be glad to share what I have. Well, I am slowly filling in our shared line with a German researcher (on my dime). My little bit of Grinch has said no more shared information with him, since I’m paying to obtain it.
I actually got so frustrated with people taking my stuff from ancestry that I have made my tree private for now. I HATE having it private because I am a HUGE believer in sharing your info so we can all have ACCURATE trees. But so many people would take my stuff. Then I would click on their tree and it would say private. So frustrating. I LOVE connecting to possible family members and most of the people I have connected to have been so helpful. But on ancestry tree vs tree is another story. I have a lot of pics I take of tombstones because thats kind of my thing and I have NO problems giving those pics, even ones that are not my line, to those who need them. Thats how it should be. Time flies. Families die off. ANd info is lost. We should all work together for the common goal of documenting our existence.
Sadly I have run into quite a few grinches in my nine years doing genealogy. It’s one of the biggest things that upsets me. It’s like they don’t realize for one we’re family and two it’s not just their ancestor. I have my tree public for anyone who needs the info to view. I have lots of photos as well and I don’t care if someone saves them to their tree or reuploads them. It’s their family too.
I am a reluctant sharer. My go to reaction over my tree is to be a Grinch and cackle happily over the information I’ve compiled…but I know in my heart it’s better to share.
And yes, my tree is on private, but I readily add those that ask to my tree.
For the most part I’ve had great experiences with others researching the family tree. We share photos, stories, and records. However, I also have one cousin who refused to let her elderly mom share old photos with me, but readily took copies of my photos from the online tree. She has also spoken of finding relatives birth records, but when questioned conveniently forgets where she found them. Her intention is to “someday” publish her finds. I finally set my tree to private because of her. If others ask I will add them as guests.
Hi, I would just like to add a comment here. Over thirty years of researching, I have willingly shared information when asked, however when last year, I was asked for a copy of “all I had”, I then refused and just sent a copy of everything for their particular branch. I don’t think you should feel you have to share everything you have spent hours & hours searching for information, in for example newspapers etc.
I also have met some wonderful DISTANT cousins, that have helped by sending death records, and filled in the blanks. Most of the contacts have been from private trees , which I am so grateful for. Sometimes it is so hard to remain PUBLIC, but I highly recommend it, if you have relatives in your tree, that your RESEARCH has left you short. Also, have that immediate cousin and Uncle who just cannot find that document they mention. I share so my ” blue collar” family can live on through Genealogy. Have heard some reasons for not sharing, “they will just mess up the Tree”, “I am not giving people, what I paid for” and the most common ” I am a private person”. Well, that’s why we RESEARCH. Good Luck with Your Trees!
Hi, I’ve been researching my family/s tree for about six yr’s now. Like most here I’ve had my share of Grinch’s, they love to recieve but don’t care to share.
You find the copier’s, don’t you just love them? I’ve encountered two so far,when ask for proof of their info,they ignore you.
I agree that sharing is the best policy, but I have unfortunately run across people who think they must have all the info on the current (living) generations as well. Some have been extremely insistent about it and quite unpleasant when I refuse to pass along the info on living people. First off, I don’t have permission to do such a thing, and secondly, with identity theft rampant it’s a bad idea to pass info to strangers or for publishing.
I also ran across another problem with sharing. It turns out I have information on one tree which the current generations weren’t aware of. (They were specifically never told of these other circumstances and people, and it appears that legal channels were gone through to wipe out all official recognition of these other people.) And yes, these are the correct relations because I have old photos with the information clearly written on the back of the photos by the relatives who have gone to some lengths to change family history. This “new” information was quite painful for my cousins, even though there is nothing on the surface to indicate a problem. I don’t want to hurt my cousins, but I find it very hard to change my records to accommodate the fiction they’ve been told. As a result, I decided to change my tree to private. It won’t completely protect my cousins, but I’m hoping by the time the info becomes more common knowledge, my cousins will be past caring — one way or another.
I too like sharing and meeting people searching for the same family or branches of it. I have become a reluctant Grinch because of circumstances.
I shared with someone who took my info, plugged it into his genealogy program and regurgitated it back to me in a different format. Nothing he gave back to me was new info from him as promised.
Also ran into a distant family member who demanded information as it was his family too, but he was unwilling to share anything with me. He then proceeded to take what I did share with him and post it on Ancestry as his own work and listed the living people by name as well. He refuses to correct this and ignores my pleas to correct this.
Have also encountered a few who have published on the freepages family history that is exaggerated and with many errors. I and others unknowingly contributed to this when we shared our research.
I have spent 10 years researching 8 different families. My own money was is used for traveling to clerk’s offices, cemeteries and libraries, paying professional genealogists when I hit dead ends,and paying for memberships to websites for my research. And I was always willing to share. I’ve also shared sources and copies of documents and met many wonderful, helpful people! But I’ve been very careful and stingy for the last 3 years with who I share and with what I share because of what others have done.
I think others may agree with me, when you spend so much time, effort and money, you don’t like others to claim what research you’ve done as their’s and then lock you out by making all that information ‘private’ on a website. Give credit where due and be willing to share with others.
If only I could find someone who cared to read what I have found, I would be overjoyed! I certainly hope that they “take” what I have found and use it, because I know it is correct to the best of my knowledge.
It’s their family too and maybe our connection will lead me to their cousin who has the lost will or deed or Bible that I need. And if they don’t, at least I had the fun of sharing.
If scientists kept all their knowledge secret we’d still be in the stone age. It’s the sharing that causes progress.
Please copy any info you can find on my tree and correct any of my mistakes. We’ll all be better for it.
I’ve totally come in contact with these “grinch” types! So sad! I love to share info!
I believe in open and cooperative sharing of genealogy data and my complete family database of over 100,000 individuals is available online. A lot of this is still in progress so please be sure to assess these facts according to the source quality I’ve assigned. This was a timely post. I had just written a post about the same frustrations on my blog at http://www.emptynestancestry.com/2012/12/23/we-must-know-the-genealogy-question-before-we-can-find-the-answers/, and appreciate anyone who helps spread the word and promote free and open exchange of information.
I have been working on my family history for about 30 years, since before the internet, when everything was done by the mails and SASE. I have run in to every type although for the most part true genealogists are eager and willing to share. What many do not do is acknowledge the hard work and effort that has gone in to the research by giving credit or citing the work of others.
My biggest beef, by far, has been with ancestry.com taking my information and “giving” it away without acknowledgement. Years ago I posted my information to another site that promised I would always have access to my data and have the ability to update it or remove it, as I wished. This company was later purchased by ancestry and suddenly I have no access, no ownership, no say and no ability to make corrections or additions. When the data was first published to One World Tree it included all of my living relatives. It took countless phone calls, hours, days and months to get my living family removed and in doing so I became aware that ancestry knew the data was mine but refused to give me access to it. It is for this reason that I refuse to put my tree on ancestry, private or otherwise because, as it turned out for me the biggest grinch was ancestry.com.
I have no problem with sharing, yet I have noticed there are people who have their trees private, they take from me my pictures and information, yet never respond when I try to communicate with them.
Depends what you mean by “Genealogy Grinch”. I think a bit of common sense helps. I have actually found that by having my tree private, many more people are willing to share. It is important to make sure living cousins are not shown, to protect them against identity theft. I also have had to make the tree private due to sensitive photos and information. Those tied in to them may however see them. It’s just respect. I don’t mind sharing photos and information, but it is very important to state where you got the photo and information and give credit where credit is due. How can someone else follow up on what you’ve found otherwise?
Now, regarding an actual genealogy grinch, we currently have a situation on my direct maternal line, that goes from Maine back to Ireland and then to Scotland. A person in Scotland HAS the information needed by many in my lineage but flatly refuses to share his information. So much time has been wasted having to retake the road he’s already traveled. VERY frustrating.
I’m glad ancestry was purchased by a foreign entity, as now we finally may be able to overcome some “brick walls”…
Most of the Grinches I have encountered have come from one particular family line. Personally, I do not understand why they even bothered to start a tree on Ancestry if they do not intend to keep it up, add information, and share what they do have from time to time. I am still sending these people information which they do not even bother to add to their own tree and smsnf t, rarely get an acknowledgement, and am stonewalled if I ask a question once a year! This particular family line is known to me to be loaded with divorces, multiple marriages, and, to be honest, fathers who pretty much neglected their children. BUT, the members of the current generation still started trees and contacted me for data. I have had great relationships on Ancestry with strangers who are very distantly related, but people to whom I am closer connected cannot be bothered.
I have always had my tree on private from the beginning simply because I have lots of photos of living relatives that I prefer not to share. I have shared with everyone who has asked me and 99% of them have shared with me, however I have had to block a couple of people, one person who posted all my mother’s personal information which greatly upset me and another poster who claimed that her husband was related but the relationship seemed fuzzy and she did not share any pertinent information with me except to say she could now prove that her husband was part Indian (huh?). It seemed like she was just being nosy. Because of these incidents I do not automatically share like I used to, before I would add people without their asking, no more. So yes, I am a genealogy grinch and rightly so. Another reason I keep mine private is so people do not add incorrect info to their tree by mistake. I told one person who’s grandfather had a similar name that she had the wrong person but she insisted they were the same even though I sent her documentation of her error, she has built an entire wing of her family on incorrect information, so what can you do lol.
I try to share when i get a message from a researcher. My mother does not post a lot to ancestry to her tree because a family member took some of her early research of their family and shared it on ancestry with saying their might be errors and mistakes and claimed it as her own. I am cautius about the trees I post because she has tried to link to my dad’s family and not connected directly.
Well said cousin Kris…I have had amazing luck sharing information with cousins I have never met. My cousin Arthur even sent me copies of photos of grandparents, dating from the 1860′s, something I never would have seen otherwise. I am a firm believer in sharing and my tree will always be public.
I agree generally with the “reluctant” grinches. I have generally shared, and have run into some long lost cousins-particularly on one branch. But I also agree with Mary. I have been doing this since before the internet, and since the advent of ancestry.com have seen deplorable work that passes for research, when it is obviously someone’s “cut and paste” project perpetuating errors. As the ONLY descendant (and my siblings) of one branch, I have repeatedly asked for corrections and been ignored. I keep my tree private because until I can document each line, and I can publish, I will not have a free for all. Some of this research I have paid for-which everyone else can do as well. Perhaps ancestry can find a way of categorizing serious researchers from garbage promulgators.
I have requested that Ancestry add the functionality to make individual photos/docs private. This would solve a lot of problems, and would be easy to implement. They keep living people hidden in public trees, and added the living/deceased toggle option. Not sure why they won’t do this.
There is nothing to stop anyone with private trees from creating a public version of your tree minus the living people, photographs, documents, speculative info etc.
Also, the “garbage” trees with incorrect information will always be on ancestry.
Those of us who provide proper documentation will stand out from the wannabees.
I would like to think that 100 years after I am gone, my cousins who see my tree on the internet would be grateful to know something about their most distant ancestors.
Does anyone here who has worked hard on their genealogy for years want their family tree information to go to the grave with them?
Agree we are surrounded by Grinches. I always share. I’ve been researching several family trees for over 10 years. One long distant cousin will not share pictures of my grandparents but she asks for anything I have. We disagree on the spelling of my Dad’s grandmother;s name so she doesn’t want to share. My Dad is the only one living that remembers her and someone my cousin never even met, he verified the name. I work around her and will someday come in contact with the same pictures she has.
I agree with Gary. Ancestry refuses to include functionality to make individual photos, docs, etc private. Therefore the only option is to mark the entire tree private which I don’t like to do. Ancestry.com shares much of this grinch blame by not including enough privacy options other than the all or nothing approach.
I too hate people who grab from my tree with no introduction, no hello no nothing. I think it’s important to keep trees public, minus the living people, but we should be able to control access to photos and docs.
I started working on my various family trees about three years ago. I was a total novice and have learned a lot along the way. I’m a very maticulous researcher but I also know when to make educated guesses. I’ve only had one or two folks who have called me out on info that I have in my tree and all but one has been very respectful when doing so. What I try to do is make notes on any fact that I add that isn’t necessarily proven. Therefore, when someone looks at it, they understand why I made the educated guess that I did. This helps a lot and I wish more folks would do this.
Two of my three trees are public. I even share my living folks with those that are family and have trees with extensive work on Ancestry.com. And they have been gracious enough to do the same with me. It has been so helpful and has enabled me to make connections with the distant cousins I need to fill in the blanks.
I believe in sharing everything. I don’t care if I paid for it or not. If I paid for something like a death certificate, it was because I needed the info on it. I might as well share with others who probably hit the dead end I did. I would hope others would do the same. And I do try to give credit to others when posting pics and documents but I’m not always perfect about it. For instance, photo’s from the Find-a-Grave website are very useful to me. When I copy them, I note on the pic that it came from Find-a-Grave. I don’t take the time to document the person’s name that took it. Maybe I should but it’s too time consuming. Some would be mad at that but I feel as long as I’m crediting the basic source, I’m being respectful. I would encourage others to do the same but I would say to those who get so bent out of shape to relax a little.
And finally, my third tree that is marked private was done for one reason, that I’m so dissappointed about. I was adopted. And I have a tree on my biological family. When I enter my biological parents, and you look at “my” profile page, it looks to some like they these parents were married, which was not the case. You only get the real story by looking at either parent. Then you can see that they have seperate families. Ancestry.com should make some way to make this view different. Having said that, a family member didn’t like it, even though it is all completely factual and I had to mark it private.
We’ve all had our geneology grinches. I think the most important thing we can all do is share and give eachother a break. No one is perfect it what they do but as long as folks are trying their best, let’s not judge.
I am having an issue with this as well. Unfortunately, since I have been researching our family, I have had people make their sites non public, that were public. It is strange that they wouldn’t want to share family history. I recently found that my grandmother on my fathers side died in a murder suicide. I now am starting to understand why there may be some reluctance to share information. I never met my grandmother. Have a good day.
I just want to say thank you to the non-grinches. I’ve found almost 200 pictures on ancestry.com of distant relatives that died before I was even thought of. I’m doing my trees for my grandparents, and the whole point of finding these is for them.
I have a second cousin who has all of my great-grandmother’s pictures (including old photos of my grandpa’s siblings, namely his brother who died in childhood) and she flat out refuses to let me see make copies. I can almost understand why she doesn’t care if I get to see my great-uncles.. what I don’t understand is why she thinks my grandfather doesn’t deserve pictures of his own brother.
So, she is the reason why my tree, every picture I manage to find, and every document I get my hands on (whether I paid for it or not) will ALWAYS be public. And I truly hope she sees this comment.
The same thing happened to me. There are several family members that have all of the documents and pictures but refuse to share. They act all paranoid if I ask to see them. They, on the other hand, have demanded that I turn over to them everything I have.
But alas and anon, I have been experiencing the problem with the greedy gumps on line too. Sadly I no longer answer my messages from people seeking information. There have been a few that were very nice to exchange info with, but, there are quite a number who were just down right rude in their inquiries. I have exchanged information when requested only to be met with silence. There were others that requested to see my tree (it’s private), so I allow them access…never hear from them again.
By the way, my tree is private because I am not 100% certain about some of the information.
I would also like to thank those who went before me and did the lions share of research. It’s because of you that I was able to scale those brick walls and continue on my hunt.
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You are so right! It is much nicer to share. I find that I can also make corrections when I share, because I do not always have the correct information. I have met too many nice people & cousins to list since I started with genealogy.
One comment on your photo with this article – the first place I began to record my ancestry was in the same brown “Our Family Tree” book that is in the photo. I still have it. Hard to believe that all I knew at one time could be contained in that one book.